Andy Behrman was only a teenager when he was diagnosed with depression. Over the years he would come to be diagnosed with depression again and again, not by one doctor, but by a total of eight mental health care professionals. For more than ten years, he and his physicians labored under the belief that depression was what was driving his suffering, even as antidepressants failed to provide relief. Finally, after more than a decade of unsuccessful treatment and suffering that grew ever deeper, his doctor gave a new name to his illness: bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder was not a welcomed diagnosis. In fact, Andy was terrified of it. But it also gave him answers; it explained why his years of treatment had yielded no results and had in fact worsened his condition, fuelling destructive manic behaviors that he had come to regard as simply the normal state of things. “These included a roller coaster of racing thoughts, insomnia, overspending, sexual promiscuity, poor judgment, and drug and alcohol abuse which always ended in outbursts of rage, deep depression, suicidal ideation, and, at times, complete paralysis,” he writes in a moving essay for NAMI. In retrospect, his symptoms were a virtual word-for-word description of bipolar I disorder. So why didn’t anyone notice?
“It wasn’t clear to me at the time, but I was being diagnosed improperly because I only visited these doctors during dark periods of depression and I was not accurately presenting the symptoms of my illness or honestly answering questions about my condition,” Andy says. “In retrospect, had I shared more information with them, perhaps it would have been easier for these doctors to diagnose me correctly and treat me more quickly. And certainly, I would have suffered for so many less years.”


